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#14: Myojo 2007-08 - Tears
Tears. From the moment we are born into this world, we cry and shed tears. Maybe it is because being born into this world is painful and sad, or maybe it is because of the joy to come into life. Before we learn to laugh, we learn to cry. It's a way of expressing feelings that we have to learn before we laugh.
Maybe I'm a crybaby. When something sad happens, I cry, when I'm moved by something, I cry. There are many reasons why I cry, but it's not as if I was crying all the time. Still, when I cry, the tears really flow, and the way I'm crying is so ugly that I certainly don't want other people to see me like this. I remember when I was a child, I was crying all the time, though I don't know why. But rather than being a weak kid who was always crying, I was more like, really loud when I was happy, and really howling with the tears when I was sad. No matter what feeling, I was expressing it loudly.
After I had become a part of NEWS, there were also times when I suddenly broke into tears in front of the other members. When they saw me who had without warning dissolved into tears, they were probably shocked. I didn't state my reasons back then, I don't do it now, and I don't plan on doing it anytime in the future. Because these problems are deep inside of me. I'm actually very embarrassed when people see me cry. That's why I also went to the toilet and cried there, when things were really bad. I always smile in front of other people, but I'm actually quite fragile.
Massu often tells one certain story of me crying. It's from when Massu and I appeared in "3nen Bgumi Kinpachi-sensei", the day when it was time to say goodbye to class 3B. The filming of the last scene had ended, and we each said goodbye to each other on the bus. It was so sad, I couldn't help it, and so I the second year middle schooler said something like, "Thank you for everything until now. It's the end, but... *hick* I- I... *sob* w-w-want... *hick* t-to p-part... *sob* ... with a s-s-smile!", and I cried buckets. Masuda made fun of me: "How can you cry while saying something like that! Ahahaha!!" People were talking in all earnesty, and Massu was like this. Massu who's still making fun of that and gossiping about it. You know, Masuda-kun. I did get it myself, that I was about to cry. I knew it and I still said I'd want to part with a smile. But that sentiment didn't get across, apparently. It's not laughing together, it's being moved to tears and crying together, if possible. And didn't you also cry after the rehearsal of the goodbye party scene so that everyone was worried about you? Talk about jumping the gun. Both of us. Massu is without a doubt an even bigger crybaby than me.
Hardship and pain, the feeling of having accomplished something, the feeling of joy, in other words, all feelings that tend to overflow from your body, they turn into salty tears, I think. It's your heart that has shaped these feelings into tears, your heart which is overflowing so that everyone can see. This is what tears are, I guess. When we learned that NEWS would stop all activity. When we learned that we would come back. All of us in NEWS put our hearts together in these tears that were overflowing from our bodies. And we'll surely go forward like this in the future, too. I'm already used to seeing Massu's and Koyama's crying faces. From now on, may we encounter so much joy that it overflows, let's shed happy tears together.