pairing: kato and (secret(: ) [but by the end of it, you would know(: ]
summery: ' Have you found out what your heart was trying to hide'
note: this is my first time writing smut. don't go easy on me if you don't want to.
haha. i think its not very good. (T_T) but commenst and criticism are welcomed.
[ criticism to some extent please] p.s: i do not own any of the je boys.
sorry if there are some spelling mistakes. my stories are not beta-ed [is that even a word?haha]
the difference between happiness and ecstasy
Love. Let me ask, is it supposed to be painful or blissful? Because all my life I was taught that love was suppose to be happy. My mother always told me that love was a feeling you can choose to feel. Then, I thought what she said was true. I believed her definition of love. I loved my mother, I chose that feeling. I loved my band, I chose that feeling. And I was happy. Was it because I chose who to love? I do not know, but I did know I was happy.
Then years later, I met him. I did not choose to love him. In fact, I hated him. His crude words, his emotionless character; it made me sick to my gut. I hated guys like him. Those who act all though and mighty. He, of course, joined the band. It was Johnny san who made the arrangement that he’d join us. I was, and mind you, still am, angry that he made that decision. I do not understand why he had to be in our band. He was already part of another band, so why join us? I do not understand Johnny san’s decision. Everyone, though, welcomed him warmly. I only smiled. I do not like change and all this happened 5 weeks ago.
Now, everyone’s getting along just fine. I tend to ignore him at times; I just really hate his attitude. Maybe he hates me too, maybe that is good. But why do I not feel happy? I chose not to love him, so I should be happy. But I am not. Why?
Rehearsal began; we are practising for a concert in 3 weeks time. We practiced the dance steps for the group performances first. It was hard, somehow I could not keep to pace. Why? They are frustrated with me; my group members. Frustration is pasted on their faces. I apologise. Yamashita suggested we practice our solo performances today, since the group practice was a total failure.
Masuda seemed too hyper to relax and went to a corner of the studio to practice. I think he ate too many cakes that morning, Tegoshi should have known better then to give him cakes in the morning. I sighed. Then, my convictions were confirmed; I heard Koyama and Yamashita scolding tegoshi, Tegoshi kept apologising. I let out a small laugh. Slowly, one by one they went to their own chosen spots of the studio to practice their solos. Then, now, we are the only people left on the bench; He and
I called in sick the next day and spent my day at home. Thinking, pondering. Next week equals to 2 days which equals to 2 weeks to the concert. I sighed and slumped down onto my couch. I wasted my whole day there, lying on the couch. Soon, before I knew it, evening came. There was sudden alarm, I snapped out of my day dream and realised that it was my door bell. I walked to my door to see who it was. As I opened my door, I saw a man. He was wearing a black suit and sunglasses. I stared, he took off his sunglasses with style, I was stunned. It was him. He smirked. No words escaped his mouth, he took a step closer to me, I stepped back. This continued till he was in my house.
He shut the door behind him and slowly cornered me to the nearest wall. I felt scared. No, scared isn’t the right word. I am not sure of words to describe the moment. My heart was beating too fast. I opened my mouth to speak but his words interrupted me. ‘So’, they came, the words. One by one. Slowly. ‘Are you really sick today?’ silence. ‘Or was it just to avoid me?’ silence. ‘How long do you intend to avoid me, Kato chan?’ his voice was seducing, his body came nearer to mine. His face, too close for comfort, I could feel his hot breath against my face. I couldn’t take it, so I blurted out, unintentionally, mind you. The words, ‘How long?! Maybe forever if possible! You really think you’re hot and all but know what? I hate that attitude of yours!’ came flying out of my mouth. My face was hot. I was out of breath; panting. My heart was racing so fast I thought I was going to die. But despite what I said, he smirked and said, almost seductively, ‘Oh. Do you really now? Do you really hate me to your gut? Hmmm. And I thought you secretly liked me.’ His face now too close to mine, another inch our lips would have touched. I turned my head away and said, ‘How could I like someone as crude as you?’ I realised later, it wasn’t the best thing to have said. ‘Oh, I’ll show you.’ He smirked.
His fingers touched my chin and turned my face to face him. Then, before I knew it, his lips crashed into mine. His fingers now in my hair; making the kiss deeper. I gasped, wrong move again. His tongue entered my mouth and wondered to all corners. I let out a moan. I could feel him smile.
His hands now wondered to my body. His touch made me shiver; I realised I was feeling ecstasy in his touches. His hand is now at my pants, I feel him working on my zip. I could feel my manhood harden, I moaned again. I guess he was happy because he ended our deep long kiss and pulled my pants, along with my boxers, down fast. My manhood was suddenly exposed, not to the cold air, but to a warm atmosphere; wet and all. I realised he had my manhood in his mouth and was sucking hard on it. It felt good; ecstasy good. I moaned; he sucked it harder. I moaned his name; he licked and sucked at my tip.
Then, he stopped. I moaned, guiltily wanting more. He smirked. He took some lubricant that was near, I think it was my moisturizer, applied it on his hand; fingers as well, very thoroughly. Finished, he started stretching my hole; one finger, then two, then three. Moans, my moans, were heard in between. Then, nothing. Then I screamed. He pushed it harder and deeper in me. Yes, I guiltily admit that this was good. I moaned, one last one before he pulled out. Then he spoke, at last. For throughout that ecstatic period not one word escaped his mouth. ‘So, are you in love with me now? Have you found out what your heart was trying to hide?’ I said nothing.
He spoke again. ‘Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at one in the afternoon. I’ll take you out for lunch.’ I smiled. He left. Maybe, just maybe. I was dying to be noticed by him. To be loved by him.
Love, love I realised; can be ecstatic. This love is ecstatic. Not painful, not blissful, not happy. Ecstatic. Nishikido , you’re my ecstasy.